What's TV like these days? What's on? The only show I see
regularly is Survivor, because it has become a ritual to watch it.
The Swedish kids like it because the show, or the idea for the
show, originated in Sweden and so they have seen the format
before. I understand it is the most popular show on television
there. This says a lot, I think.
Otherwise, I don't watch any television, except for movies on
tape. That is a big difference from the way I normally did things
in Minneapolis. I saw a lot of television there. I probably will
again, when I return.
Return. That sounds weird. I'm still trying to figure out
why this life has to stop so I can go back to whatever I will find
in Minneapolis. I don't believe it will be as good as it is here.
One thing about riding a motorcycle is that it takes practice.
And you forget how to ride if you take time off. Mostly, you
forget just how much you can lean the bike over when turning. My
rear tire, which is new, still has "chicken stripes" on it, which
means that the tread is not worn all the way to the edge. Some of
the more daring riders lean over so far that they rip chunks out
of the shoulder of the tire. Somehow I think that my tires will
always have chicken strips on them. I know I can lean over
further, I have not begun to drag any parts yet, and the "hero
blobs" on the rider foot-pegs have never touched the ground.
The hero blobs are little stems with spherical ends which
screw into the foot-pegs. They are there to hit the ground before
any of the hard parts, like the exhaust, hit the ground. Because
when the hard parts hit the ground, the bike will sometimes lift
itself off the ground. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun to
me. Some people take them off. I think they look just fine where
they are.
I know the bike can lean over further. I have seen pictures
with a rider leaned way over. Then again, he is a skinny little
guy who has been riding forever and whose job is to ride
motorcycles. So how can you believe him? And with all the things
you can do to a photograph these days, a picture isn't worth all
that much. Yeah, that's the ticket.
There is a lot I want to do, and not a lot of time left to do it
in. I am going to spend one full day riding. I want to go to
highway 1 and ride south as far as I can in half a day, and then
turn around and come back. With some stops is appropriately
scenic places as well, to look and mostly to rest my tired butt.
I have done everything possible to make the bike more comfortable,
but it still wears me out. I guess I'm showing my age. Young
kids ignore the pain, I think.
I am also going to San Francisco a few times with the
roommates. They said they want to visit again. I hope the follow
through. I'm here, so I should take advantage of being near just
a big, wonderful city. But the strange, or not so strange, thing
is, I never take much advantage of whatever city I am living in.
I just live there. I haven't even been to the ocean the last
three times I have been in San Diego. I did see the ocean in
Santa Cruz once, though. I think the thing is, I like living near
the ocean, and I like living in places where there are lots of
things to do, just in case I decide to do something. Sometimes i
actually do do something besides go to work in whatever capacity I
work and then go home again. Besides going to the gym, I mean.
That, I do, if only to keep all the moving parts moving.
One thing I am doing is going to see BB King. I promised
myself that I wouldn't miss seeing him the next time I had an
opportunity, and he is playing around San Francisco on August 5th.
I am taking my landlady with me. She is old enough to appreciate
the music. The Swedish kids don't even know what the blues are.
Neither do a lot of the people I know. All I know is, I heard
Stevie Ray Vaughan on the radio, and decided to take a chance and
buy the album, which was his second album, "Couldn't Stand the
Weather." I have never been the same since.
I have seen BB King once before. It was in a club in San
Diego. I sat in the front row. I was anywhere from 10 to 30 feet
from him the whole night. He is such an amazing player, and he
comes across well on stage. This time, it won't be nearly as
good. We will be in a good sized amphitheater, or whatever it is.
Too bad, but good for him I guess since he will make better money
playing such a large place. He is something like 73 years old and
still spends most of his time on the road. Amazing.
I saw Stevie Ray Vaughan play as well. The first time was in
the UCSD gym. I was in the fourth row, standing up, so I was
pretty damn close the whole night since he was right there in our
face. I saw him twice at the SDSU amphitheater, which is quite a
bit larger, and the last time I saw him at the Sea World
amphitheater in San Diego. Two months later or so he died in the
helicopter crash. A month after that, I visited San Francisco for
the first on so far only time, coincidentally during the blues
festival. I wore my SRV concert shirt from his last performance.
People offered me a lot of money for it, a lot more than I paid.
They all wanted a piece of the legacy, I guess.
Four more weeks of this, then "home" to San Diego and "home" to
Minneapolis. I used to think Minneapolis was my home now, but I
am not as sure as I used to be. I like it there. It's as good a
place as any to be, really. After all, once place is pretty much
like another. You carry most of your world inside you anyway, so
it really doesn't matter where you are.
Work is finally interesting for me. I am allowed to
experiment with the code I wrote, and I have come up with an idea
which hasn't been done before, which is nice. I think it will
work. I hope it's good enough for a paper. I don't care about
papers personally, but career-wise they are a good thing to have.
In any case, I am not bored at work right now. I could easily
keep doing what I am doing, and keep living like I am living.
But, it isn't going to happen that way. I will leave, and
eventually return to the Land of Flakes. I hope I can remember
how to deal with the Minnesotans... I am used to people saying how
they feel, sticking up for what they believe in, and doing what
they want to do instead of what they think I want to do. There is
a difference between considering other people's feelings and
totally submerging your own, but apparently they haven't learned
that in MN. So it'll be back to the guessing games again. If I
decide to play. I may not.
I have said before that I have changed, and here I have. But
it would be so easy to go back to what I was. Does that mean I
haven't really changed at all? Or does it mean that I am just
lazy? I think that laziness is the most likely explanation for
any back-sliding I have done in the past, and any that I will do in
the future.
Change is hard. First, and this is very difficult, you have
to want to change. Most people don't' get past that point... they
only say they want to change, but saying it doesn't count for
anything. Then you have to actually change your way of doing
things or just your way of existing in the world and reacting to
it. Okay so far. Now, the hardest part of all. You have to be
forever vigilant about your new way of being, because when you
forget, you go back to what you were. I was doing well, and then
last night, one of the things I don't like came back to haunt me.
Luckily, I was alone when it did, so no one else saw it. Those
little demons live a long time after you think they are dead.
Perhaps they never really die at all, but just hibernate for a
while.
Strength. Vigilance. Easy to say. Easy to tell someone else
to do. Hard to do for yourself.
Nothing is ever easy. Nothing is free. When something is
easy or free, you can probably assume that you either paid for it
in the past, or you will pay for it in the future.
Last modified: Fri Jul 14 00:34:38 CDT 2000
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