The Hindu wedding is not just a marriage of two people, but also a merger of their two families.  The wedding extends over days to give the families an opportunity to visit and to bond.  The wedding rituals consists of activities intended to introduce family members, to extend a welcome to each family by the other, and to celebrate the couple's new life.

Traditionally the wedding would extend over a few days and relatives would come and stay at the biya ghar (wedding house) and assist with the preparations.    It is an occasion where siblings, friends, cousins, uncles, aunts, and other relatives, get to spend time together in a festive, somewhat chaotic, atmosphere. These friends and family take ownership of the wedding tasks as well as invite their own guests.  Thus the number of invitees will be larger (over a thousand) than most weddings in the West.  The concept of“immediate” family extends to include uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins.

Relatives and friends will gather at Autri’s parents' house on Saturday 19^th January, the day before the wedding, to visit with each other.  The group of one to two hundred visitors will partake in a feast.

Jurun (Visit to the bride’s family by the groom's family)

On Sunday, 20^th January, the day of the wedding, Autri's parents, sister, brother-in-law, and other family members will visit the Koina (bride) and her family at their house (Belle View Hotel).  The Dora (groom) does not participate in this ceremony.

Jodi’s female relatives meet the groom’s family at the hotel gate to welcome them. The bride's mother and groom's mother will each carry a ceremonial vase which is later to be filled with water of their respective native lands, and mango leaves. Tamul (betel nut) and paan (a leaf) will be exchanged between the mothers.

The members of both families enter a room prepared for them to sit, with cushions, on the floor and visit. 

Once everyone is seated, the Koina, Jodi, will be led into the room. Autri’s mom will mark her forehead with a red powder (sindur) to symbolize the beginning of her new life as a married woman. Through different ceremonial presentations, Jodi will be given jewelry and ceremonial bridal dresses by Autri’s family.

Ceremonial rituals by Jodi ensue while the various family members and friends visit and chat.  At the end of this ceremony, Jodi will present gifts to the elder relatives with a hewa (gesture of respect by touching feet).

The two families then lunch together.  Jodi does not join them as she and Autri fast that day. They are allowed fruit, other snacks and water. They break their fast together at the dinner that follows the wedding.

Pani Tola (Gathering of water)

The bride's and groom's mothers set out to gather water from the Brahmaputra at a sacred site by the river. They carry the ceremonial vases and the mango leaves that they've exchanged.  Guests are welcome to join the expedition.

The water gathered from the Brahmaputra will be used with water from the Fox River (from Jodi's hometown in Appleton, Wisconsin) for the bride's ceremonial bath at the next event.

Nuani (Preparation of the bride)        

Jodi, the Koina, will be anointed and bathed in preparation for the wedding ceremony. This light hearted bridal preparation ceremony involves Jodi's family members "helping" her get ready by putting cosmetic pastes on her and on each other.

When there has been enough smearing fun and games, she will bathe with the waters from the two rivers.

Houm preparations (Preparation of the fire)        

The guests will gather at the ceremony site (Kumud Ban) and await the groom's arrival. Jodi will already be there as this ceremony usually occurs at the bride's parents' house.

The groom travels from his house, accompanied by the Dora Dhora (best man - Murali) to the site of the wedding. Kids set off fireworks here to signal the arrival of the groom and the bride’s relatives throw rice for good luck. Murali will hold up an umbrella to shelter Autri from the rice storm.

Once the groom has arrived, the bride’s mother performs puja, ceremonial worship, in a sacred area, and then steps out to welcome Autri. She is accompanied by her female relatives as she walks out to greet Autri. She welcomes the Dora,Autri, with a gift and invites him inside.

Joe Harwood, Jodi's older brother (actually an older cousin but surrogate older brother for the occasion), will then greet Autri with a token gift and a warm embrace. The rest of Jodi's relatives welcome Autri in turn.

As Autri enters the pandal, the site of the wedding, he keeps his face covered with a handkerchief, so as to hide his emotions. Jodi's father will greet him and present him with a token gift, put a mark of red powder on his forehead, and place a garland of flowers on his head. (The necessity for this head garland is currently under negotiation as Autri alleges that it violates several fashion laws)

Jodi's mother will garland Autri, give him a taste of prasad, holy food, touch his face with a blessing, give him a special green leaf, and embrace him. Then Jodi's Grandma will greet Autri with a token gift and a kiss on the cheek.

Jodi's relatives will then lead Autri inside to the ceremony site, to await the entrance of the bride. While they wait, Autri and Jodi's mother will kneel by each others side, and lower their heads to the ground in worship, asking for blessings for the marriage. Jodi's mom now leaves to assist Jodi. Her father sits by Autri, leaving enough space for Jodi to come and sit between the two of them. He participates in ceremonial gestures with Autri, such as placing a garland of flowers around his neck in one, and exchanging sacred water in another.

Autri’s sister and cousins now go to invite Jodi to come and marry their brother.  At this time Jodi's siblings and friends put up a great show of refusing to let her go.  They ask for good reasons why Jodi should marry Autri, as well as ask for adequate compensation and bribes.

Hopefully, the groom’s posse does a good enough job of convincing Jodi and her relatives that she should come out to be married.  The bride then enters the ceremonial site, led by her mother and other female relatives. She also covers her face with a handkerchief to hide her emotions. She will wear a cloth that covers her head, and will keep her face shaded from view, and she walks in to take a seat between Autri and her father.

Houm (Formal wedding ceremony by the fire)        

Autri and Jodi put a garland of flowers on each other. The rituals around the ceremonial fire then begin, as relatives watch from chairs seated around the periphery of the ceremony.

As the wedding progresses, the guests and relatives watch the proceedings as well as visit amongst themselves. Members of each family make up songs making good-hearted fun of the other family and their bride/groom.  Some come prepared with digs about the other family and candidate for marriage.

Priests recite prayers in Sanskrit, the ancient language, as the ceremony progresses. Efforts are currently underway to translate the slokas, Sanskrit verses, by the time of the wedding. Holy rice will be given to the groom and bride by the bride’s younger brothers (Mike and Ben). Prayers will be recited by them with the rice in their hands, and then they will offer it into the fire. The younger brothers also present gifts to Autri, welcoming him to the family.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, prasad (holy food) is given to everyone, a special blessing given to the bride and groom, and the bride, groom, and bride’s father kneel in worship.

Then it is time for some wedding games.

Then the newlyweds and their parents greet the guests at the reception.

Khubakhubuni

Jodi returns to her parents' home immediately following the reception and spends another day with her family.  A trip to a silk farm is planned for that day.  Those who prefer to rest can do so.  On Tuesday, 22^nd January, Jodi joins Autri’s at his house.  This day is marked with a feast with friends and relatives.  A cultural show is planned for that evening.

GLOSSARY

Biya – wedding

Dora – the groom

Koina – the bride

Ghar – house

Biya Ghar – the wedding house

Pandal - area of the ceremony at the wedding house

Tamul paan – Betel nut & a leaf given by Assamese on ceremonial occasions

Jurun – visit to the bride’s family by the groom’s family before the formal wedding ceremony

Sindur – a red powder that marks a Hindu woman’s forehead, indicating her married status

Hewa – a gesture of respect shown by kneeling and touching someone’s feet, done only to elders

Houm – ceremonial fire at the formal wedding ceremony

Prasad - blessed food