There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds.
He proposed that giving measured doses of various hallucinogenic
substances and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to
the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional space. This tale taking
place in a more liberal era, the student got the funding. He filled out
mountains of forms, set up a lab with a supply of sea birds, and proceeded
on his way. After a year of diligent work, groveling monthly before the
review commitee to get his stipend, and living with stoned sea birds, he
completed his study.
With trembling hands, he delivered his 247 page report, complete with
charts and graphs, to the review commitee. This august body peruses his
study, asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jello.
Finally, the department head rises. The light reflects off her steel
rimmed glasses as she stares down at our student.
"There is a lot of good work here," she says. "But we can't accept this
report. You have detailed marvelously the effects of all these substances
on these sea birds, but you have no control group."
Our student turns pale and says, "You don't mean..."
"Yes. I'm afraid so. You left no tern unstoned."
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Dan Cosley (cosleydr@jmu.edu)
This message, plus 97 cents, will get you a cup of coffee
--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 82 cents, plus coffee tax, plus cup tax, plus grinding tax,
plus a dollar cause it's so chic to drink, will get you a cup of coffee.
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