Stephen Wright
Damn, I wish he'd come out with a new album.
Oct 2, 1996 13:15 from The Yeti
Subj: A few thoughts from comedian Stephen Wright
>> My school colors were clear.
>>
>> I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
>>
>> I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having
>> trouble breathing.
>>
>> My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how
>> and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No."
>> She said, "Okay, forget it."
>>
>> I went for a walk last night, and she asked me "How long are you going
>> to be gone?" I said, "The whole time."
>>
>> My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They
>> caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong
>> sides. He's in a minimum security prison now; he's on a whiffle-ball
>> and chain.
>>
>> I like this new idea of voodoo acupuncture. You don't have to go
>> anywhere, you just walk down the street, and all of a sudden, "Ah!"
>>
>> Hermits have no peer pressure.
>>
>> Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
>>
>> There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like
>> an idiot.
>>
>> The other day I saw a rabbit in the forest in front of a candle making
>> pictures of humans on a tree.
>>
>> How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
>>
>> The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked "Tell me
>> about some of the people who were here last year."
>>
>> What a nice night for an evening.
>>
>> When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.
>> He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of
>> August? Cool!"
>>
>> Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
>>
>> I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
>> furious.
>>
>> I live on a one-way dead-end street.
>>
>> Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...
>>
>> I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around
>> singing "Happy Birthday".
>>
>> I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now
>> everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
>>
>> I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that
>> stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
>>
>> It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room
temperature.
>>
>> Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
>>
>> I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped. I said, "No
>> thanks -- I'm not going that far."
>>
>> I was driving around recently and saw a sign that said "Rest stop: 25
>> miles". I thought, "Wow, that's pretty big. Those people must be tired."
>>
>> I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lived next door
>> complained. So I shot him with a gun with a silencer.
>>
>> I'm a peripheral visionary.
>>
>> I make my own water -- two glasses of H, one glass of O.
>>
>> I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm going to use it.
>>
>> Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller
>> ballerinas?
[Humor> msg #62401 (2 remaining)] Read cmd ->
--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 82 cents, plus coffee tax, plus cup tax, plus grinding tax,
plus a dollar cause it's so chic to drink, will get you a cup of coffee.
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