***** H.A.N.D. is generously sponsored by 1-800-SEND-123 **********
Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:
~~The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.~~
At gas eateries through the nation: Eat here and get gas.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass
container.
In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses
uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to
the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same
spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but
Sunday.
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted
unless with child.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy
On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your
home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the
Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
possible prices and workmanship.
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in
multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife.
Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits,
$10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most
people 15 to 19.
In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when
you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of
thousands!
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave
please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking
flowers from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without permission.
In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the
public stops taking it away.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is
impassable.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read
this, it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not
throw stones at this sign."
HAND! Have A Nice Day!
from 1-800-SEND-123
--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 82 cents, plus coffee tax, plus cup tax, plus grinding tax,
plus a dollar cause it's so chic to drink, will get you a cup of coffee.
The views and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of the page author. The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by the University of Minnesota.