Scientific Jargon, Translation 1
From: Night Watchman
_______________________________________________________________________________
> After several years of studying and hard work, I have
> finally learned scientific jargon. The following list of phrases and
> their definitions will help you to understand that mysterious
> language of science and medicine.
>
> "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...I didn't look up the original reference.
>
> "A DISTINCT TREND IS EVIDENT"...These data are practically meaningless.
>
> "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS
> TO THESE QUESTIONS"...An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to
> get it published.
>
> "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
> The results of the others did not make any sense.
>
> "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...This is the prettiest graph.
>
> "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
> I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
>
> "THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES"...He was my
> graduate student; his grade depended on this.
>
> "IN MY EXPERIENCE"...Once.
>
> "IN CASE AFTER CASE"...Twice.
>
> "IN A SERIES OF CASES"...Thrice.
>
> "IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...I think.
>
> "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...A couple of other guys think so
> too.
>
> "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"...Wrong.
>
> "ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...Rumor has it.
>
> "A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
> OF THESE FINDINGS"...A wild guess.
>
> "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...Three pages of notes were
> obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
>
> "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED
> BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENA OCCURS"...
> I don't understand it.
>
> "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...They don't understand
> it either.
>
> "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE
> EXPERIMENT AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"
> ....Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what it meant.
>
> "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...A totally
> useless topic selected by my committee.
>
> "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER
> INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"...But I quit!
----- End Included Message -----
--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 82 cents, plus coffee tax, plus cup tax, plus grinding tax,
plus a dollar cause it's so chic to drink, will get you a cup of coffee.
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