Are you as think as you drunk I am?

At 20:12 on 9/8/96, HAND! wrote:

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> Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:
>
> sent in by Mike Craymer:
> Believe it or not, the following is not so far from the truth, at least
> for us government employees...Mike ;-)
>
> ---- A Thinking Man -----
>
> It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
> and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to
> another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
>
> I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it
> wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and
> finally I was thinking all the time.
>
> I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
> don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
>
> I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
> Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking,
> "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
>
> Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had
> turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
> She spent that night at her mother's.
>
> I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss
> called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to
> say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
> don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
> This gave me a lot to think about.
>
> I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, "
> I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
>
> "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
>
> "But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
>
> "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much
> as college professors, and college professors don't make any
> money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
>
> "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to
> cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I
> stomped out the door.
>
> I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a
> PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran
> up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was
> closed.
>
> To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
> that night.
>
> As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
> for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy
> thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize
> that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
>
> Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never
> miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
> video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences
> about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
>
> I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life
> just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
>
> Editors Note: Thanks Mike for sending this in! I really do appreciate all
> you government employees.. working harder for less money all the time.
> You make our lives better - thanks again. Smiles to all...
>
> HEY, do you need to send a gift? Maybe wish someone an especially
> Happy Birthday? Get Well Soon, or maybe you're just thinking of
> someone.. Give 800-SEND-123 (800 SEND One-Two-Three) a call and
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> perfect will be delivered for you in US or Canada. Satisfaction
> guaranteed. Send a smile today.....save 10% - say HAND 12-96.
>
> Cheryl Rogers
> HAND! Have A Nice Day!
> from 1-800-SEND-123
>
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>
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--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 82 cents, plus coffee tax, plus cup tax, plus grinding tax,
plus a dollar cause it's so chic to drink, will get you a cup of coffee.


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