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Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:
From the Funny-Pages: A Bunch Of Math Jokes
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag
pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite
frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling
down, etc.
A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to
remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily.
When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a
mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the
length!"
* Remember: 97.3% of all statistics are made up.
--
A guy decided to go to the brain transplant clinic to refreshen his
supply of brains. The secretary informed him that they had three
kinds of brains available at that time. Doctors' brains were going
for $20 per ounce and lawyers' brains were getting $30 per ounce. And
then there were mathematicians' brains which were currently fetching
$1000 per ounce.
"A 1000 dollars an ounce!" he cried. "Why are they so expensive?"
"It takes more mathematicians to get an ounce of brains," she explained.
--
There are three kinds of people in the world;
those who can count and those who can't.
And the related:
There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don't.
And then:
There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can't.
--
Boy's Life, May 1973:
Ralph: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
Ralph: Well, you could try.
--
Albert Einstein, who fancied himself as a violinist, was rehearsing a
Haydn string quartet. When he failed for the fourth time to get his
entry in the second movement, the cellist looked up and said, "The
problem with you, Albert, is that you simply can't count."
--
Theres a classic story going around about a grad student. This guy was
always late. One day he stumbled into class late, saw seven problems
written on the board, and wrote them down. As the week went on he began
to panic: the math department at Princeton is fiercely competitive,
and here he was unable to do most of a simple homework assignment! When
the next class rolled around he only had solved two of the problems,
although he had a pretty good idea of how to solve a third but not
enough time to complete it.
When he dejectedly flung his partial assignment on the prof's desk,
the prof asked him "What's that?" "The homework." "What homework?"
Eventually it came out that what the prof had written on the board
were the seven most important unsolved problems in the field.
** Urban Legend Alert. According to Jan Harold Brunvand, the author of a
series of books on so-called Urban Legends. He talks about it in his
latest book _Curses! Broiled Again!_ in the chapter entitled "The
Unsolvable Math Problem." It is, however, based in some fact. The
Stanford mathematician, George B. Danzig,apparently managed to solve two
statistics problems previously unsolved under similar circumstances.
Editors Note:
Three mathematicians and a physicist walk into a bar.
You'd think the second one would have ducked.
(pa dum pum .. if you dont get this, you've never walked into a
telephone pole .. ouch! )
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