Quack!
[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
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[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]
The Top 18 Signs Your Doctor Doesn't Like You
18> Tells you that smoking is no more harmful than drinking milk.
17> Anesthesia? A shot of Wild Turkey and a good swift karate
chop.
16> Keeps "accidentally" losing his rectal thermometer.
15> For cerrosis of the liver, recommends "the hair of the dog
that bit you."
14> Insists she can do the entire examination over e-mail.
13> Attempts wart removal with a power sander.
12> Has you lie down and instructs the nurse to "fetch me a
big ol' IV of pork drippin's."
11> Keeps your tongue depressor in his loafers.
10> Second opinion? "You have 6 months to live AND you're
a crybaby!"
9> After the physical? Never calls, never writes.
8> Bill reads, "Balance due right now, or we'll tell everyone
about the herpes."
7> After weighing you, shouts out "245! We have a winnah!!"
6> Makes you stay until you've found ALL the hidden objects in
Highlights magazine.
5> Says, "Take two aspirin and call someone who gives a damn
in the morning."
4> Gives you 30 seconds to live, then says he'll be right back.
3> While you're under anesthesia, tattoos "Danger: Gas!" on
your butt.
2> Warms up his stethoscope on a blazing hibachi.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Doctor Doesn't Like You...
1> Gives, rather than takes, urine specimens.
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Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
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