How you can tell if you're... (GF 2-4)

Wed Jun 19, 1996 (13:49) from Mad Man Murad
this is another one from the old capture files..

Here is what driving to the store would be like if an operating system ran your
car.
.
MS-DOS: You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.
.
Windows: You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because
attached to the back of your car is a freight train.
.
Unix: You get in the car and type "grep store." After reaching speeds of 200
miles per hour, you arrive at the barber shop.
.
OS/2: After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive
to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession.
Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town.
.
MVS/VM: You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out
of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.
.
.
This is a guide to remember which programming language you're using.
.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
.
C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in
the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible because you can't
tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying,
"That's me, over there."
.
Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of
contemplation, the adnistrator shoots himself in the foot and hops around the
room, wildly shooting at everyone in sight.
.
Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the U.S. Department
of Defense will kidnap you, stand you in front of a firing squad, and tell the
soldiers to shoot at your feet.
.
Modula/2: After realizing that you can't really accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
.
APL: you hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't
remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell happened.
.
This is a guide to remember what OS you're using.
.
Unix: You shoot yourself in the foot.
.
DOS: You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.
.
MS-Windows: The gun blows up in your hand.
.
Windows NT: The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping
it from one hand to the other.
.
OS/2: The gun and the bullet aren't speaking to each other any more.
.
Mac Finder: It's easy to shoot yourself in the foot -- just point and shoot.
.
AIX: You can shoot yourself in the foot with either a .38 or a .45.
.
IRIX: The Terminator shoots you in the foot. A T-Rex bites your other foot.
.
SVR4: The gun isn't compatible with your foot.
.
Minix: You learn how to shoot yourself in the foot with a Saturday
Night Special.
.
Linux: Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help
you shoot yourself in the foot for free.
.
HURD: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot Real Soon Now.
.
VM/CMS: IBM shoots you in the foot.
.
VMS: \FOOT\ ambiguous: supply more toes.
.
AMIGA-DOS: The gun works pretty well, except that few people use one and
it's impossible to find bullets.
.
Mach: The bullets work pretty well, but they don't make guns for it any more.
.
Cray: You shoot yourself in the foot with an Uzi.
.
MasPar: You shoot all of your friends' feet simultaneously.

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