Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh #0111
***** H.A.N.D. is generously sponsored by 1-800-SEND-123 **********
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh is:
A Couple Sent in by 'Tom' from Israel
Note: Here's a great example of how to stay cool when under fire....
The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago
in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus
final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher (unlike our
beloved professor Bonk) wasn't very well liked. He was one of those
guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time
was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so
busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that
everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure
on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on
the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess,
remember there were 1000 students in the class.
Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test
needing a descent grade to pass the class. His only problem with
Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and this nut standing in
the front of the room barking out how much time was left before the tests
had to be handed in didn't help him at all. He figured he wanted to assure
himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the professor said
"pencils down and submit your scantron sheets and work to piles at the
front of the room".
Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into
fourty...almost an hour after the test was "officially over", our friend
finally put down his pencil, gathered up his work, and headed to the
front of the hall to submit his final. The whole time, the professor
sat at the front of the room, strangely waiting for the student to complete
his exam.
"What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as the
student stood in front of him about to put down his exam on one of
the neatly stacked piles of exams (the professor had plenty of
time to stack the mountain of papers while he waited) It was
clear that the professor had waited only to give the student a
hard time.
"Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the profesor gloated,
"Your exam is an hour late. You've FAILED it and, consequently,
I'll see you next term when you repeat my course."
The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you know who
I am?"
"What?" replied the professor grufly, annoyed that the student
showed no sign of emotion.
The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you know what
my name is?"
"NO", snarled the professor.
The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said
slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one of the stacks
half way, shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack,
let the stack fall burying his test in the middle, turned around,
and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.
---
In order to improve the language we correspond in, here is an
article that will clear the picture:
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the
European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of
improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th'
by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh
is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum tru.
Editors Note; Encouraged by her friend Ohad, Tom sent us these. Thanks
for sharing them with us. If any of you out there, have something you
think is funny, why not emailus at smiles@vivid.net. imagine, putting a grin
on thousands of peoples faces allover the world.
And now a few words from 'Tom':
"well,first off all,thank you to Ohad that gave me the push I needed to
send the jokes, I'm a 15 years old girl (yes-GIRL,not my fault I have this
name) I live in Israel,and if someone wants to send me his visa's
numbers, good jokes, or beg for my love,(s)he can email me:
tom_ber@inter.net.il"
Cheryl Rogers
HAND! Have A Nice Day
from 1-800-SEND-123 / (800) 736-3123
--
Dan Cosley (cause@coil.com)
This message, plus 85 cents, will get you a cup of coffee.
[Back to Dan's home page]
[Back to the DHR index]
[Previous]
[Next]
[Send mail to Dan]